Gaining on pain
by tamarjacobson
A couple of days ago, I wrote this in a letter to a friend:
While on my morning walk it occurred to me, that what hurts
me makes me stronger. Although it
was in the context of my sensitive ankle on a brisk 4-mile walk up and down the
hills of Chestnut Hill in the glorious sunshine, it had meaning for me about my
emotional life as well.
And then, this morning, I saw this quote at Time Goes By:
Above all, don't fear difficult moments …The best comes from them.
It is out there -in the universe – the no-pain-no-gain concept. But, as I said in my presentation on Saturday – not for young children, please.
We do not have to hurt young children to teach them.
A year ago at Mining Nuggets: Hope for PA; Listen with the possibility of being changed (Update)
tamarjacobson 
Hmmmm…. still waiting to get to the exhilarating and exciting part. To me it’s just pretty depressing most of the time, and the rest of the time it’s just hard. Well, that’s not entirely true. I have found somewhere coming out of me some writing that I really, really like… stories, poems, songs, and prayers… some of it I hardly recognize as my own if that makes any sense at all. I find that exhilarating and mysterious and even mystical. I heard myself say outloud to one of the very FEW people who actually speak my language… If I can write these things then somewhere inside of me is a person … a higher self… who isn’t such a mess. Now, if I can just BE that person more and THIS person less. How about that..? I want to be my higher self when I grow up?! LOL! Yup! (Weird and yet has a hopeful ring to it).
Donna,
These are important thoughts that I am sure all reflective parents go through. I certainly did and do!
And, yes … Self work is exhausting when it isn’t exhilarating and exciting.
Love,
TOmar
Being a map maker for such a long long time can make one feel so tired, ya know? Sometimes I just want a damned map in my hand. Sometimes I think if I hadn’t been without a map that I could accept for so long maybe I wouldn’t be so damned tired. Children are lucky if they come to parents who have a decent map to pass on. I always wonder what kind of map, in the end, I will leave with my children? I did break some cycles. BUT, so many are just so hard wired. If I am the only one my hard wiring has blocked I will be so relieved… but I have no way of knowing what kind of hell my children will see when they look back at their childhoods.
Yes, sky – it is the challenges that push us, but only if we choose to see them in that light. Lucky for you, you are making that choice. I love being able to offer my students different options in the way they understand their reality or see themselves. It’s always intriguing to me to see who chooses to open up to different options, and who decides to stay put – for the time being.
Donna, what a beautiful way you describe this. I love the idea of “map maker,” because ultimately, as we make the changes we are all venturing into unknown territory, whether we know our life script or not – into a different reality, or way of perceiving ourselves and our situations.
I think changes come in waves. I broke some pretty powerful cycles out of sheer stubbornness and refusal to repeat patterns, but I hadn’t a clue what my life script was… all I knew was I what I didn’t want it to be. I chose to sail without a map b/c I didn’t like the map I had been given. So, that was one wave. Now, understanding more and forgiving much (not all, not yet, but getting there perhaps) I am more intentional in the changes I make. I guess I have become a map maker at this point. I guess this is another wave.
i believe this, too. i have seen it happen, even with terminally ill patients when i did medical social work. my current challenge has certainly given me plenty to think about in terms of my own responsibility for my life – literally. if we never faced challenge we would all sail along without pushing ourselves to change a thing or consider other options.
nice post.
Yes! Definitely! I agree, Donna. SOMEone has to say enough! But first that SOMEone has to really understand their life script before they can break the cycle – change the paradigm.
I, too, have been thinking a lot about this idea. I’m having a hard time putting into words what I want to say here. You are so right. To use the metaphor of “steel is strengthened by fire” some adults operate under the incredible misconception that they have to create the “fire” which provides the opportunities which strength are made of. Yes… to be sure someone, well-meaning or not, provided THEM with similar ‘opportuinities’ when they were young and so they felt the uncontrollable compulsion to pass it on to the next generation; but, at some point down the line it has to stop, don’t you think? Eventually SOMEone has to say “enough” and really mean it, don’t you think? I think so. Enough.