Quote of the day:
"It's okay to let the world be big and painful. It's all happening at once. In the middle of it you, are searching for your salvation – don't you think there's some of that in your urge to write? Grace can't be found outside the truth of suffering … Name your blindness and give it light." (Natalie Goldberg, "Old Friend from Far Away," Page 193)
Included in the songs that I listen to on my morning walk are a few from Olivia Newton John's CD: Grace and Gratitude. Friends of mine gave it to me for Christmas, or just a little after the holiday because they had ordered it but it did not arrive in time. However, the CD arrived just in time for me, somehow. The songs touched me at a soulful level, and have been accompanying me for the past months almost daily.
One, in particular seems to envelop and support me. A strange sensation to be sure. Mostly it makes me weep, but not of sadness – more like relief. I think that most likely Newton John is singing about God, or perhaps someone she loves, although in one of the lines she asks for help "believing in" something she cannot see.
This morning, as she sang me up a rather steep incline, I sensed that, in a way, the song feels like a message from me to my therapist. For, he relentlessly pushes me, ever so gently, to become aware of, and thus validate my emotions – and the more I am able to accept them, the more I seem am able to forgive myself, and let go of all that rubbish I learned to believe about me for so many years.
And, yes. There is intense healing taking place – probably for the first time in my life.
The song is: Help me to Heal.
Here follows its lyrics.
If I reach out my hand
Will you hold me
Will you help me to stand if I fall
If I can't say my name
Will you know me
Oh will I still be me
If I lose it at all
Help me to heal
Help me to feel
All I know is what I see
So won't you help me to believe
Help me to heal
If I'm not all I was
Will you love me
I'm afraid if I change you might go
As I face the unknown
Are you with me
Cause you know I can't do this alone
I know I'll find the strength to fight
If I can trust I'm gonna be alright
So walk me through my darkest fears tonight
Here, I add links to the past six posts I have written on some of the processes of healing I am experiencing through therapy. I notice that I wrote Part IV on two separate entries. The second one is more like "Part V" and so the last one should really read "VI." Well, never mind … perhaps more will come to me as the months continue, in which case I will start with "Part VII."