Virtually
by tamarjacobson
Quote of the day:
A good friend is worth ten thousand relatives. Latin proverb
I have just returned from a blogging tour. I spent quite awhile reading up on what everyone is doing, thinking, opining, feeling, ideology-ing, describing, living … about. I became involved. Laughed, shed a tear or two, ruminated, reflected, became excited, yawned, nodded my head in agreement … felt whole … in a way. I realized I have come to care about people I do not know, have never seen, haven’t even had coffee or tea or lunch or dinner, or a walk in the woods with. I really don’t know anyone at all.
Virtual relationships.
It seems safe, even supportive when the odd one or two writes a comment. But, suddenly, too, it just feels lonely, alienated and weird. Why do I do this? Share myself so openly and completely with cyberspace, people I don’t know and will never see?
I have always been lonely. Since I was a child. Always looking for community and family outside of my own, where I might feel accepted and acknowledged. Leaving Buffalo two and a half years ago all the abandonment buttons of yester-year were pushed, pulled and loaded to almost explosion. Fear of loneliness and anonymity was tremendous. I turned to blogging. I was virtually saved. Or so I thought.
I can never virtually replace my reality.
But perhaps, I might grab some courage out of this thin cyber-air, this virtual, lonely, alienated and weird space, to let go of my myths, denial states, illusions I have created, and just face reality.
Alone.
A year ago at Tamarika: Blogger blues
tamarjacobson 
Joel,
ROFL. Fabulous interpretation. I know *exactly* what you mean!
Yes, Joared amd Richard,
How real is real and that is virtually what I get into over and over again. So strange. But I think most of those ponderings have to do with my general mood anyway … don’t you? When I’m fulfilled, happy, confident, everything has so much meaning – and when I’m sinking into one of my emotional abysses everything gets loaded into that one question: “What’s it all about?”
Nappy40,
Thank you from my heart. I am so happy you and I still *notice* each other.
A good friend is worth ten thousand ~relatives~!? All those aunts, uncles, brothers, sisters, cousins, mothers, fathers, etc. combined into ~one~ person. Is this a formula written for late night torment or am I thinking too much again? 😉
You surely are asking a lot of the questions I’ve found myself wondering. I just finished writing on another blog a view of my initial rejection of the idea of virtual friendships, evolving to ambivalence, then to acceptance. But what’s it all about, Alfie??? 😉 I like what your readers said, including “…how real “real” relationships are can’t be solved either.”
The question of how real virtual relationships are is one we’re never going to solve, I think, because the question of how real “real” relationships are can’t be solved either. And then there’s the question of whether the virtual kind can turn into the real kind. Why not agree to be happy with whatever we can give to each other? That’s something that might be easier in virtual relationships than in any other kind. And if we can do that for each other here online, maybe that can be transferred into whatever we think is real.
Yes, we’d notice if you disappeared. Please don’t.
Yes, and well, at times I have received exactly the right amount of support and validation from Internet friends – even more so than the *real* world. And yet, I wonder if anyone in cyberspace would notice if I disappeared. Just wonderings – nothing too dramatic – and then it makes me ponder: “What’s it all about? Is it my neediness for community or is it true and meaningful connection?” Those kinds of ponderings.
I can relate. For me, the struggle I have to feel like I’m part of a community (while at the same time wanting to be left alone) can sometimes be exacerbated by this online experience. But I also believe that these virtual connections we make can be just as REAL as the ones we have with people in our physical presence, sometimes more so.