Where is Tamarika?
In two weeks I will be at the point where a year ago I felt shamed into changing my blog. And so, I have been reading the posts that led up to that time, re-feeling the feelings and feeling them again. The sense of betrayal was acute. I am comforted to realize that those feelings have lessened considerably. I am one year older and a tiny bit wiser, I imagine. It was a period of pain which, I believe, in the long run, strengthened and matured me. And brought me face-to-face with a reality I had been trying to avoid with childish delusions.
What was even more intriguing to me was reading where Tamarika was one year ago today. I gasped out loud. For that is what I am feeling – exactly, in almost those very words, right here, right now …
For today’s post I am right back where I started one year ago: Blog or book
Only, this time is a little bit different.
- I don’t want to give up the blog. Just write less often
- I might want to start writing about different things – more externalized: ideas about children and teachers, a bit of politics, feminist stuff, aging, poverty … maybe … opinion pieces
- Something must get written: book, chapter, or article … I was awarded a summer fellowship for that!
- Something should get written. My recent keynote speech has given me the confidence and support I needed to reinforce the new direction in my work.
I was ecstatic when one of my colleagues sent me an e-mail received the next day from a teacher who had heard me:
I loved Tamar. She inspired me to want to write my life story, to try to really remember things that went on in my life as a child, from my perspective of course (which I consider truth, because how children perceive things is their truth!). I started, but it really is a scary thing, I feel like I’m writing down things that are deeply personal and almost feel vulnerable doing it. I feel like I need to, my own type of therapy … Friday I really focused on building relationships with my kids, and not so much on the academics. I enjoyed it so much more!
I was inspired by the teacher’s words. Because I feel an urgency to remind teachers about the quality of their relationships with young children. I believe these relationships are affected by uncovering their own inner lives including emotions, biases, and early childhood experiences in general – helping teachers understand why they do what they do. Creating an emotionally safe space for authentic interactions that are respectful, loving, nurturing, compassionate and forgiving.
And so. It is on with my work! Re-energized and excited, the passion for it returns. The heck with past shames and ancient hurts! The blog might suffer a bit, but abandon it I will not …