tamarjacobson

Dear Blog,

While walking with Gilad down by Valley Green this afternoon, I thought about so many things. We walked and climbed mostly in silence, finding a brisk rhythm and only stopping for awhile to throw left over bread from the weekend to the ducks and geese swimming in the river. It is one of the aspects of our relationship that I love. Our ability as mother and son to be together in silence. It gives me time to clear my head and deepen reflection, for even as he is quiet, he is surely and steadily at my side, part of my past, future and present, having passed through my womb and out into the world, now an independent young man.

My thoughts wandered as we walked. They came to rest upon you, Blog. And I got to thinking about how I used to write to you, and how times have changed. It seemed as if in the beginning when I discovered blogging, I would write about all sorts of difficult and uncomfortable feelings. Lately, even though I still open up to you, I find that I am more guarded. There are so many personal and very private emotions that I do not share with you as readily as I used to when we first started out together. I miss that a lot, for it is quite different from writing personal reflections in a private journal. Sharing myself publicly with others bearing witness was as exciting as could be. So much of my inner life, kept underground and alone for so many years suddenly became open and manageable. You were so good for me, Blog. I am grateful for that experience. I wanted to tell you that.

It is not that I feel despondent or disillusioned. Our relationship has changed. That’s all. I still need you, Blog:

• To keep in touch with the world out there.
• Because I believe in community of any kind. I enjoy being a part of this Internet-land. Sometimes, it still feels a bit like magic.
• It keeps me feeling young, connected, savvy, and part of something bigger than myself.
• You give me something to look forward to.
• You allow me to laugh, wonder in awe, dance, express, express, express, and, even,  weep.
• You are available morning, noon and night.
• You give me permission to play!

In any case, Blog, I just really wanted to write and tell you that you are dear to me and important in my life. Even if I write less often, or not as personally from time to time, don’t worry. I need you to bear witness with me even though my emotional status has shifted a little. I thought of you in the afternoon sun this afternoon, walking side by side with my son. And it felt solid and good.

Thank you, Blog.

I wrap my Cyber arms around you.

And go out into the late afternoon quietly, smiling to myself in satisfaction knowing you will be right here as I glance back over my shoulder.

Love,

Tamarika.

A year ago at Mining Nuggets: Festschrift