Kicking the habit (Update)

by tamarjacobson

Blogging has become a habit. After more than three years of writing first at my Tamarika site and here, at Mining Nuggets, I have discovered that the theme has shifted. In the beginning I joined the blogging world, literally to find a community after moving from Buffalo to Philadelphia – having left personal and professional friends of 17 years. And then, blogging became an avenue for self work because having left my therapist behind in Buffalo, there was still much that I wanted to explore and understand about myself. Finally, trying to write a post, however short or long, once a day was a great way to hone, strengthen and improve my writing skills.

Lately, I have been writing about the primary elections. Venting frustrations and trying to understand the political scene. I discovered that I was not writing to change anyone’s mind or impose my ideas. It was more of a way to feel some sense of power over a situation that is beyond my control. In fact, it has made me wonder about writing in general.

Once again, I question why I blog.

Self expression is certainly one of the reasons. Connection, another. But, I wonder if it is also a way to delude myself into feeling powerful when, indeed, I have so little control over so much in my life: past regrets, aging, relationships, loss … to name a few.

Writing silently and privately in a journal could be just as powerful, and yet I seem to want others to read what I write. In the early childhood field, it makes sense for me to share my ideas about teaching. Writing books for teachers makes sense. Perhaps that way I might offer support or new ways of thinking about interactions with children for teachers who are looking for that.

But, blogging? Who in the world, out there, cares what I have to say about my personal life or political opinions?  And why would I delude myself into thinking strangers out in cyberspace would want to hear what I – little old me – have to say about these things?

So, I have come to the conclusion that I blog out of some sort of narcissistic need. To be center of attention in some way. To feel special and acknowledged. And this causes me to feel ashamed and, yes, I must admit it to myself, somewhat pathetic. For, surely I am compensating for what I did not receive as a young child – still trying to fill a hole in my old worn out soul? It scares me to remember what I must have done to achieve that sense of recognition that I so lacked as a child, when I did not have blogging!

Has blogging become some kind of emotional crutch for me? And, if so, is that so wrong?

Or should I just … well … kick the habit?

A year ago at Mining Nuggets: Meet me in the middle

Update:

Thanks to all for your comments. Each one has given me even more food for thought. I realize that receiving comments is yet another reason why I blog. It’s not just the feeling of being connected, it is also the different perspectives that help me broaden my thinking about different topics. I appreciate that each one of you, Papa (William), Winston, Jean, Tamar, and Michal – took the trouble and your time to write such meaningful as well as supportive comments.
Thanks so much.