Walking reflections

by tamarjacobson

Yesterday on my early morning walk, I was in full swing, walking briskly, striding along with arms in motion, feeling the energy of the glorious spring day, replete with sunshine and bird-song, perfumed aromas of spring flowers blossoming out on trees as I passed by. Suddenly, I had a thought as clear and as bright as the day itself! I remembered the voice memo application on my IPhone, and immediately recorded what was on my mind.

Here follows an edited transcript of the recording:

Do all children of divorce dream of the perfect, typical family?  I know I did. And I always thought I could only get it right if I created that, when, in reality, I didn't even know what it looked, felt like, or what it was. I surely didn't grow up in one – talk about blended! – complete with confusing boundaries, and so forth. 

And so I have to say that recently I am coming to understand that family is a complex notion, that's not simple or typical or anything. It's just a whole bunch of people who really care about and support each other as much as they can. 

I really felt that strongly in Israel this time: Talking with T. and S., and life partner about our son, who we love and care about so much, working through some of our stuff; and bonding with my siblings, feeling close to them again, realizing how we've all, including my mother done the best we can with what we had. We're all still very united and strong, supportive, caring, and loving. We're all a family – a family community. We're all connected, and we all care about each other. 

This is interesting to me. 

Maybe I can give myself a break now, and just say,"The heck with it! I did the best I could with what I had, and although I couldn't replicate the typical family model, which I have no idea what that really feels or looks like, I was able to participate in, and create a community family and that's good too." 

Happy Spring everybody.