In treatment …

by tamarjacobson

Quote of the day:

The Book of Love by Peter Gabriel

Last week my therapist suggested that as things are happening, or during interactions with others, I might try asking myself a simple question:

"How does that make me feel?"

I have been trying it out. 

It is not easy for me. I first have to get over a couple of hurdles: 

  • First, the feelings are valid, but more importantly, 
  • it is safe to feel them at all.

It is a struggle …

I find myself changing the subject, or eating half a loaf of bread before I have time to realize I am feeling angry, jealous, disappointed, lonely, unworthy, excluded – whatever! 

The therapist is relentless. He brings me back to this issue over and over again, whether I want to go there or not. I really adore the challenge of it. Mostly I want to go there with him. After all, I returned to therapy after a break of almost 6 years. I knew I had reached some kind of space that seemed too uncomfortable to proceed. And, now, here I am, ready to push through. 

This is a big one for me. 

It is at the core of my authenticity.

And so, I am grateful not only that he gives me a safe space to work this out, but that he coaxes and prods me to connect with the feelings right then and there – at the very moment they are happening.

For, as difficult as it is for me, I notice that feelings are stirring. I am slowly allowing them to seep out and up into my consciousness, and bit by bit hold still with the fear and discomfort that accompanies them. 

A year ago at Mining Nuggets: Pre and Se … quels …