From the inside looking out

by tamarjacobson

Yesterday I went to the gym and worked out hard. Treadmill, weights and then a long, strong swim – twenty laps or was it more? After my shower I noticed a few aches and pains but those were the usual twinges I always feel after stretching and oiling those aging muscles and joints. I looked in the mirror. Rosy cheeks and bright sparkling eyes. I felt good.

I drove off energetically to meet a friend for lunch, stopping off here and there to buy a few things for the house: milk, nuts, tuna for Ada, and so forth. As I skipped up the steps of the restaurant I felt my feet were light and nimble – what can I say? I felt positively spry. Leaning over the counter, I gave my name to the hostess and was told there would be a twenty minute wait. So I stood back wondering if I had time to grab a cup of cappuccino at the Starbucks a few doors away.

Suddenly, a young man was in front of me saying, "Would you like to sit down?" I stared at him for a few seconds not quite understanding what he meant. And then I realized he was pointing to his seat next to a young woman, where he had been sitting waiting his turn for a table at the restaurant. "WHAT? HE THINKS I AM OLD AND NEED TO SIT DOWN!" My brain bellowed out loudly to me. I burst out laughing with what seemed to me like a monstrous guffaw. "Oh no thank you," I spluttered and gasped. "No, really," I continued, "Thank you but no, really … no …"

Before I knew it I had stumbled out of the restaurant confused and befuddled, wandering in the street along the pavement thinking, "I must go and get that cup of coffee now." As I ruminated, I found myself standing on the corner, where I saw my friend waiting to cross over towards me at the light. "Hi, hello!" I called out (I think I might have sounded panic-stricken), "There is a twenty minute wait!"

Since then, every time I think of my reaction to the young man's generous and compassionate offer, I burst into peals of laughter. Honestly? I thought I was right on track. Getting older and accepting it. Enjoying becoming wiser while watching my body slowly falling apart or seizing up. Even accepting the fact that there is no turning back after sixty. Just moving forward to a new age with different challenges. I was sure I was at peace with these facts – this new era in my life.

I guess – not quite yet.

Nope – not so much.

For, I simply have to admit, that what I may be feeling on the inside … does not always translate to how I seem on the outside. 

A year ago at Mining Nuggets: Simply put