Seven year itch

by tamarjacobson

Well well, I realized yesterday that it is seven years since I started blogging … who would have thought I would keep at it for so long?

Certainly not me.

Over the years I considered giving it up, and there were times when I know my family wished I would! But lately, I feel good having the blog to accompany my thoughts and feelings as I continue to explore the emotional memory of my brain. I am not quite as prolific as I was back in the old days of the Tamarika: In and Out of Confidence blog, which helped me emotionally navigate the move from Buffalo to Philadelphia. And I certainly do not have the number of readers I once had a few years ago. But, still, I know there is a purpose to my continuing to post on this blog – I feel it deeply somewhere inside my writer's psyche.

I have reached some kind of writer's block. It is psychological (isn't it always?). Indeed, I feel as if I have come up against a wall of fear about self expression. I recognize when it started and why it has happened. Of course, it did not happen overnight. It has been gradual, and has taken about two to three years to build up. Right about now I stand shrinking and small smack up against the wall. I look high up at it, as it seems to reach the skies.

Insurmountable. 

"Will I have to climb up and over it?" I think to myself, "Or could I just crash through?"

I identified the wall clearly this past weekend early on Sunday morning, and cannot wait for my therapist to return from vacation. I have much to discuss and uncover about my discovery. 

And so …

… Happy Bloggaversary to me!

I must say that I am looking forward to mining a few nuggets of wisdom as I crash through the wall to the other side.