Opened to love
Ada Mae spent twelve years with me, and allowed me to love her all the while. Indeed, my little Ada opened me up to love. Except for my son, I don't think I have ever loved like I loved her. My heart was breaking when I held her soft body yesterday as they put her to sleep in my arms. I look for her all over the house and hear her calling me all the time. So many people have been extremely kind to me. I realize that my love for Ada must have shone through to them, because they seem to understand the loss of her sweet, gentle presence for me. When I returned from the hospital yesterday, I intentionally put up a photograph of her and me on my Facebook page – letting all my friends know. I needed their kind words immediately. And everyone came through! It felt as if I was having a small shiva for my cat. It was like a Facebook memorial service for her. It softened the pain for awhile each time I read one of the comments of empathy and commiseration.
This evening I leave for Italy to spend a week in an old estate about forty miles North of Rome with the famous author, Natalie Goldberg. Together with about thirty other people like me, who want to study more about writing from the master herself, we will learn about meditation and writing, and who knows what else!
Timing is everything, because Ada's parting has opened my heart. I realize that she must have represented something very important for me, because our bond was deep, and my sorrow at times feels enormous – too large for one little kitty to bear. And so, I relish the idea of the week ahead meditating and writing, even as it scares me as well. For, who knows what will be released from this aging, aching soul of mine?