Blogging-a-versary 2015

by tamarjacobson

Quote of the day:

The daily sharing of my interior life made me stop and notice my world. MaryBeth Coudal

This morning I woke up and realized that it is time to celebrate my ninth blogaversary. I lay in the dark as Oscar spread his body out across my chest, purring while I stroked his head and ears, and suddenly I found myself thinking about my blog. Indeed, I have not been writing it so much lately. Mostly, I am thinking of the book I am writing, and in a way have abandoned blogging – even in my mind. But, this morning, I thought, "Hey! I have been blogging for nine years!" 

It felt like some kind of an achievement, and I remembered fondly and gratefully how blogging has helped me through some emotionally, challenging times. Doing the work with my therapist these past four years or so, I have confronted the lonely, frightened child I was growing up. In the past year, specifically, I have faced my inner child quite intensely, and as painful as it has been, I realized that so much of my loneliness and fears have nothing to do with the realities of life for me now. Incidents or interactions with others at times can still trigger those ancient feelings, but I am more able to see that they are irrelevant to me now. In fact, I step out and away from them quite quickly lately. I feel less lonely, more included, and belonging than ever before – with family members, friends, and, more importantly, with myself. And I wonder: "Was blogging a way for me to feel less lonely and afraid? And, perhaps I don't feel the need to blog as intensively as I use to, because I am feeling more open and belonging – less lonely and afraid."

All the work I have been doing in therapy feels like an achievement too. As I look back over these past nine years, I have come a long way in my psychological development. Writing has been a crucial part of self understanding and awareness. Especially as it is shared with others. For, having readers bear witness to my emotional life has made it real, vital, and, most importantly, valid.

Nothing heals more than the validation of our feelings. 

Starting 2015 with a blog anniversary, and writing another book opens different doors to my mind and soul.

Perceiving the world with an adult view feels like an adventure ahead with unimagined vistas to explore.

A new road to travel down.

It reminds me of the poem by Portia Nelson that one of my doctoral advisors, Tom Frantz, once quoted to us during a statistics class, and which I subsequently quoted in my book(Page 158):

Autobiography in Five Short Chapters, by Portia Nelson 

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost … I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes me forever to find a way out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place.
But it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in … it's a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

I walk down another street.

A year ago at Mining Nuggets: Holding still