tamarjacobson

Mother's Day came early for me … 

And, look! I had my hair cut – again – for the occasion:

 My … how I've changed … in just one year … 

Found at The Obvious.

Quote of the day:

I try to be cynical, but its hard to keep up. Lily Tomlin famously said (in Jane Wagner's The Search For Intelligent Life In The Universe … ) From an email exchange with a colleague today.

Check out three blog posts that I enjoyed reading today:

1. At The Huffington Post,

2. At The Obvious, and

3. At How to Find Real Food.

A year ago at Mining Nuggets: Giving it all away

Rain is falling in bucket loads. Storming and battering, splashing and pounding.

I start to giggle. No four-mile walk for me today. Instead, I have time to write a blog-post before setting out to work. 

How strange to look for excuses not to exercise. However, some days I am unable to find time to fit in all the things I love doing. 

I remember a story that my mother told me about when I was a pre-toddler – fifteen to eighteen months or so. At night, after I was put to bed, instead of going to sleep, I would stand up in my crib and strain to see what was going on in the living room, and call out to be included. It seemed that I have always wanted to be part of the action! 

I have always wanted to do and see it all.

Well, I suppose I could jump in the car and speed off to the gym on my way to work. 

But I just wanted to touch base with my blog first. 

Because, it seems that so often Twitter, Facebook, four-mile walks, yoga, reading, and writing other stuff (other than my blog – I mean) – oh yes, and even working: teaching, meetings, committees, presenting, traveling – get in the way of blogging.

Or, are all those … just excuses, excuses … ?

Quote of the day:

We filter our discipline strategies through emotional memories of punishment. Me from my Power Point presentation.

Last night it was so good to lay in my own bed with little Ada snuggled up close to my feet. Yesterday had been a long day of walking the convention center's concourse, up, up, up the escalators and down, down down again. Talking four hours straight, answering questions, trying to be intelligent, humorous, aware, observant, alert, and welcoming. 

My heart became heavy with people recounting about how they were punished as children with beatings, whippings, name calling and cold showers. By the end of the day, my soul was aching for the human condition. 

I wonder despairingly:

How will we ever develop compassion in this world if so many people have suffered so much humiliation and anxiety as young children? 

How are teachers able to wrap their hearts and minds around our youngest children with compassionate guidance, when their earliest emotional memories are clouded by fear and resentment?

My sister, Elise, sent me a message the other day in response to an email I had sent to the family (on quite a different matter). 

I read it this morning, and plan a new day:

Buddha says live for the day – never think of the past because you are the
past and not tomorrow because you will waste your precious present time in
those thoughts of the future.

A year ago at Mining Nuggets: Faces of sixty

… as I sit in the airport waiting for my plane to Columbus, Ohio, that some people might think that my recent post dedicated to my father-in-law’s birthday, referred to them.
For, I wrote that Dick reads my books specifically “to get to know me.” Educational books are usually read critically or analytically. Whereas, my father-in-law is clear about his motives for reading my work, especially the chapter he read over the weekend.
I exclaimed passionately about that because it felt really good to me!
Kind and fatherly.
In the past some of my posts have hurt family members, and I do not want that to happen again.
Hence … this explanation …
Just in case …

Quote of the day:

There is a destiny that makes us brothers, no one goes his way alone;
all that we send into the lives of others, comes back into our own. Edwin
Markham  (From CCIE)

Gathering pieces of my past.

Cyber connections pull us closer and closer.

Closing holes and feeling whole.

A year ago at Mining Nuggets: Be back soon

Nelle, Dick and me … life partner taking the picture … this past festive weekend!

 Quote of the day: 

[Thanks, J.B.]

Keisha and her mom are preparing to fly out with me to Ohio this week. We have work to do and tales to tell. Presentations, and even a book signing are in store. 

But, even more important than that, I will get to visit with very important old friends!

[The second orchid Dick and Nelle sent me for Christmas this year. Dick observed me weep with joy at the beautiful orchids in Longwood Gardens many years ago, when we took him there for a visit, and sent me my first one that same Christmas]

One of the things I love about my father-in-law is that I never feel invisible with him. I mean, the man reads my books in order to get to know me better – and not for any other reason! He does not read my writings to monitor what I say, or to check the validity of my statements and feelings. He reads me in order to get to know me better. 

Yesterday, as I was quietly trying to slip out to feed the birds, so as not to wake him and Nelle, I noticed he was lying on the couch in the soft, dawn light reading my latest book. When I returned, he told me he had read the introduction (my chapter), and then made another comment, which showed me he understood something very important about me, and his son. 

He notices me. 

All my life, I have struggled with feeling invisible. Either, trying to make myself more invisible, or the opposite – doing all manner of actings-out in order to be noticed or acknowledged. Indeed, just recently I realized that it is critical to understand what we all did as young children in order to gain our parents' attention. Those patterns of behavior we developed so long ago, are some of the hardest to let go, and as we become older we need them less and less. In fact, I have started talking about this in my recent presentations. Now, when I ask teachers to consider the ways they were punished as young children, I go one step further, and ask them to think about what they did to gain attention. It becomes a fascinating discussion. Especially since teachers are always complaining that children do this or that "just to get attention." After our discussion about what they did as children to get attention, I am amazed how quickly they understand how important it is for children not to feel invisible. Indeed, we all needed attention, acknowledgement, or validation. It is just a matter of finding out what we had to do in order to attain it! 

And, with my father-in-law, I do not have to do very much for him to notice me. Indeed, I just have to be me. He simply cares enough to observe, notice, and makes an effort to find out more. 

Today is his birthday. I dedicate this post to him with great love and gratitude that he is in my life, and, indeed, in my home at this very moment.

[Dick fishing in Idaho] 

Happy birthday to a father I finally have the very good fortune, and honor of sharing!

A year ago at Mining Nuggets: Happiness is …