tamarjacobson

Quote of the day:

One cannot have too large a party. Jane Austen from CCIE

… and we are heading into one. Dick and Nelle will soon be here and then it is off to inspect the house … the house … the house …

A year ago at Mining Nuggets: Gaining on pain; & One more month

These past twenty two years I have moved 6 times. First from Israel to America. And within the United States, five times after that. Indeed, it works out to an average of every five years. No wonder my hair is gray and my bones creak! 

I notice that my plants and cat are content and secure, flourishing and blooming in the familiar grounds they are acquainted with. The thought of moving them saddens me. Am I thinking of them? Or do I allow myself to feel it through them? 

I wonder. 

We are in the process of buying a house. It was always our intention to buy something permanent since we arrived in Philadelphia five and a half years ago. We would rent our apartment and wait until we were both settled in our new places of work before finding a home of our own. 

And now the time has arrived. 

Life partner, me, the cat and our plants: We have all laid down our roots in this charming apartment with the edge of Fairmount Park and the Wissahickon Creek as our back yard. Most days I take a four mile walk under the arbors of the huge, old trees of Chestnut Hill. Just a few yards from our large living room window, the birds of the Wissahickon eat daily at our feeder along with, at times, deer, fox, raccoon or opossum. The enormous oak tree that towers up and up and into the sky above, stands close to the bird feeder, housing countless squirrels, woodpeckers, nut hatches, and birds of all shapes and sizes. Many times, I have stood in the living room staring at that tree, feeling its solid constancy taking comfort and peace during moments of anxiety or loneliness. I wonder how will we bid farewell to all that. For, if all goes through with the house we have fallen in love with, we should be moving in less than two months. 

As sad as I am to leave this beautiful place we have called home these past five years, I must say I am excited to find a home of our own. A place that feels like us, open spaces and fine woodwork. "Don't worry," I think silently to Ada, my plants, and … me, "Perhaps we will all be able to stay in our new home for longer than five years this time."

But, then I smile to myself. After all, who knows? 

I must admit, there is something exhilarating and renewing about moving on to a brand new era of my life. It keeps me open to new places, people, feelings, or ideas.  

And, besides, I think, too, that we just might have found the home of our dreams …

Quote of the day:

"You're an old lady …" said a three-year-old preschooler to me yesterday while I was visiting one of my early childhood education students in her field placement. 

The little fellow sauntered up to me and asked my name. I told him, and then asked him his. "D.J," he replied. I asked if he would like to shake my hand and he agreed. I took his little hand in mine and as we shook them in greeting I held his wrist gently, tenderly with my other hand. He smiled warmly as did I. 

Then he leaned over the table where I was writing notes about the student, playground, children, cooperating teachers, and such. He looked up into my eyes, and said matter-of-factly, "You're an old lady." I nodded. "Yes, I am," I replied. "But, how do you know?" He pointed to my hair. "Ah," I said. And then he ran off to slide down the long, winding, curly yellow slide.

I sat quietly for a moment and smiled to myself, "I guess I am an old lady," I thought. It felt good. Comfortable. Real. Sincere. The children played on. I had forgotten just how honest and open small children can be. 

As I drove away, D.J. waved goodbye from the top of the slide in the playground. I waved back.

A year ago at Mining Nuggets: Quote of the day; & Count down … continues

Starting my day with it. Thanks to Normblog …

A year ago at Mining Nuggets: A musical start to my day

Why Empathy is Essential and Endangered by Maia Szalavitz and Bruce D. Perry, M.D., Ph.D. (2010) William Morrow: an Imprint of Harper Collins Publishers.

With only a few pages remaining to read, I must say that everyone who cares anything about the future of our society and the world, not to mention early care and education, should read this book. 

Now, you may say that I am biased. After all I was privileged, honored, and extremely grateful a few years ago to have been invited as a Fellow of the ChildTrauma Academy. I have always been concerned about teachers' relationships with young children in our care and in our classrooms. Indeed, my own books, presentations, even blog posts, are consistently devoted to this subject!

However, since first hearing Bruce Perry speak many years ago, and all the many times since then, I am convinced that my work is based on, and guided and inspired by the work Dr. Perry does. 

With that being said, let me reiterate: 

Everyone who cares anything about the future of our society and the world, not to mention early care and education, should read this book. 

First of all, it is very well written. 

Second, the authors weave case studies of abused and neglected children like a winding river through so many different territories: including neuroscience, psychology, philosophy, politics, economics, human behavior, evolution, education – all the while making connections between how our brains develop as individuals, in families, communities, societies, the world at large. It kept this reader riveted emotionally and cognitively. Indeed, I could not put it down. I shed many tears feeling the passion, concern, even humor – or as Joseph Campbell said, for the "joyful participation in the sorrow of the living." But most importantly of all is that woven through the fabric of the discussions, stories, analysis and sharing of research, is the concept of compassion in all its forms. The book is written with, and the theories are enveloped by compassion. 

The authors literally wrap their arms around humanity and the world.

Third, I was inspired. Once again. If ever I felt that my professional life is winding down because of my age, I shoved that aside, knowing in my heart and soul, that I can never give up the work that I do. I must and will press on forever – spreading my ideas and realizations, sharing my own life story if that helps others to understand theirs, and all the while, spreading Perry's message through his speeches and writings together with Szalavitz.

I share a few quotes here from the Introduction to the book in order to, perhaps, entice you into reading the rest:

Empathy underlies virtually everything that makes society work – like trust, altruism, collaboration, love, charity … By understanding and increasing just this one capacity of the human brain, an enormous amount of social change can be fostered. Failure to understand and cultivate empathy, however, could lead to a society in which no one would want to live – a cold, violent, chaotic, and terrifying war of all against all … And it's a culture that we could be inadvertently developing throughout America if we do not address current trends in child rearing, education, economic inequality, and our core values. (Pages 4 & 5)

We are indeed born for love. But at birth, we are not yet fully loving. Infants' brains are the most malleable – and vulnerable – that they will ever be outside the womb. The gifts of our biology are a potential, not a guarantee. As with so many other human potentials present at birth, empathy and love require specific experiences to develop … babies don't learn to care and connect without specific early experiences. Changes in the timing, nature, and pattern of these experiences will influence how relational capabilities emerge in an individual. These changes even help determine which of our genes will be activated and which will never reach their potential – for good or for ill. (Pages 5 & 6)

… and it all starts with understanding the way our brains connect us to one another. This matters fundamentally because we live our lives in relationships. Shy or outgoing, rich or poor, famous or obscure – whoever we are, without connection, we are empty. Our interactions thrum with rhythm. From the moment of conception to the end of life, we each engage in a unique dance of connection. The themes and steps are shared by all humanity. They vary only in details and flourishes across culture, race, gender, and historical time. But they are inevitably shaped by those around us. (Page 3)

Quote of the day:

Nobody sees a flower – really – it is so small it takes time – we haven't time – and to see takes time, like to have a friend takes time. Georgia O'Keefe 

[Seen today in the Exhibits Hall at CAEYC Conference – at the Blueberry Exhibit/A Sense of Wonder, A Sense of Place. Booth 148]

[Picture taken at the Morris Arboretum last weekend] 

A year ago at Mining Nuggets: Count down begins

Yesterday on my early morning walk, I was in full swing, walking briskly, striding along with arms in motion, feeling the energy of the glorious spring day, replete with sunshine and bird-song, perfumed aromas of spring flowers blossoming out on trees as I passed by. Suddenly, I had a thought as clear and as bright as the day itself! I remembered the voice memo application on my IPhone, and immediately recorded what was on my mind.

Here follows an edited transcript of the recording:

Do all children of divorce dream of the perfect, typical family?  I know I did. And I always thought I could only get it right if I created that, when, in reality, I didn't even know what it looked, felt like, or what it was. I surely didn't grow up in one – talk about blended! – complete with confusing boundaries, and so forth. 

And so I have to say that recently I am coming to understand that family is a complex notion, that's not simple or typical or anything. It's just a whole bunch of people who really care about and support each other as much as they can. 

I really felt that strongly in Israel this time: Talking with T. and S., and life partner about our son, who we love and care about so much, working through some of our stuff; and bonding with my siblings, feeling close to them again, realizing how we've all, including my mother done the best we can with what we had. We're all still very united and strong, supportive, caring, and loving. We're all a family – a family community. We're all connected, and we all care about each other. 

This is interesting to me. 

Maybe I can give myself a break now, and just say,"The heck with it! I did the best I could with what I had, and although I couldn't replicate the typical family model, which I have no idea what that really feels or looks like, I was able to participate in, and create a community family and that's good too." 

Happy Spring everybody.

[Just in … an email forwarded by a friend … ]

We had eight years of Bush and Cheney, Now you get mad!?
You didn't get mad when the Supreme Court stopped a legal recount and appointed a President.
You didn't get mad when Cheney allowed Energy company officials to dictate energy policy.
You didn't get mad when a covert CIA operative got outed.
You didn't get mad when the Patriot Act got passed.
You didn't get mad when we illegally invaded a country that posed no threat to us.
You didn't get mad when we spent over 600 billion(and counting) on said illegal war.
You didn't get mad when over 10 billion dollars just disappeared in Iraq.
You didn't get mad when you found out we were torturing people.
You didn't get mad when the government was illegally wiretapping Americans.
You didn't get mad when we didn't catch Bin Laden.
You didn't get mad when you saw the horrible conditions at Walter Reed.
You didn't get mad when we let a major US city, New Orleans, drown.
You didn't get mad when we gave a 900 billion tax break to the rich.
You didn't get mad when the deficit hit the trillion dollar mark.
You finally got mad when the government decided that people in America deserved the right to see a doctor if they are sick. Yes, illegal wars, lies, corruption, torture, stealing your tax dollars to make the rich richer, are all okay with you, but helping other Americans … oh hell no.

A year ago at Mining Nuggets: Wisdom for the age

Sunshine streams in the window. Spring flowers beckon me to walk outdoors, potter in the garden, or, perhaps, sit out and read. 

And yet, I find myself rummaging away in my little study, throwing away old papers, resorting books in different orders, dusting, dusting, dusting, and creating an open, empty shelf … 

… for new projects …

A couple of days ago, my latest book arrived in the mail. This morning I arose very early, and in the still of the dawn hours, I leafed through the book, reading my introductory chapter, and wandering through the generous contributions by so many excellent early childhood scholars. As I turned the pages and turned the book over in my hands, a sigh escaped through my lips. 

I sensed a feeling of satisfaction and pleasure in the completion of a project. 

Before long, I found myself scurrying around my study, throwing away, and straightening up this and that. Suddenly, it occurred to me that I was preparing my space for two new projects that have been on my mind this past year or two:

A book for parents, and a memoir. Indeed, I have the beginnings of their titles swirling around my brain for some time now. Lately, excitement has been growing. For I am itching to write. Not in my blog or on the Facebook page. No way. In fact I am yearning to wake up early and write pages for whatever project comes up first. Both represent something I want to do for me. Not for work or my profession. Not because I must. 

Just because … 

… I want to …

I have been watching and listening to too much news this past week. I say this because I feel spoiled, tainted, soiled, grimy, exhausted, anxious, fearful … 

All the hate speech and violence that is swirling and whirling in the airwaves, with images and sounds has infiltrated my brain and sensibilities, and is taking over any compassionate, peaceful thoughts or feelings that I might have. Indeed, I have to do everything in my power not to stoop to fighting with the ignorance and bigotry that is screaming into my face.

What is amazing about all of this, is that it has evolved out of peoples' need and their right to health care. Surely, all this hate cannot be about denying others the right to medical attention? Surely, people cannot be so selfish? And yet, they scream and yell about repealing a law that will include millions of Americans into the health care system.

For me, what is most frightening is when our President speaks intelligently and compassionately, so many people around the country react with violent hatred. What can I say? They simply cannot abide a brown skinned man in this role. Yes indeed, I strongly believe that it is pure and simple: racism. For some, it is so deeply entrenched in their psyche, they seem unable to understand it themselves. For others it is right out there -open and stark, clear cut and direct. One thing is for sure. The election of Barack Obama has pulled and sucked ignorance, selfishness, bigotry and hatred right out of the woodwork – out of the closet! It feels like we are all being pulled down, down, down, into an abyss, back into some kind of hideous dark age.

Recently, someone I had considered a friend wrote on my Facebook page that they were surprised I had been "drinking the Kool Aid" … I guess because I support the President I so happily elected. I was so surprised by the cynicism and disrespect in that comment, that I remained silent. I felt as if my intelligence had been insulted! 

But now that I see and hear all the lies and rubbish that is being said and believed, I realize, it was not my intelligence that had been insulted. It is everyone else insulting their own intelligence – because they do not have the courage to confront their own discomfort – the deep-rooted racism they learned in their earliest childhoods – to recognize their hideous biases – and to stand up against ignorance and bigotry with all their might. 

Rise up, America! Rally round! Push away all these dark forces of ignorance, ancient biased teachings and beliefs. Weed them out of your earliest emotional memories. Confront your discomfort! Reach up towards courage and light!

I am sure that you will feel so much better about yourself if you do.